Aquaman (2018)
Director: James Wan
Writers: David Leslie Johnson-McGoldrick, Will Beall
Actors: Jason Momoa, Amber Heard, Willem Dafoe, Patrick Wilson, Nicole Kidman
Buckle up boys and girls because this review is going all out. I deserve to let my anger out because of what this film did to me. I have never gotten out of a film with such a massive headache before, and Aquaman did that to me. I mean I hated Pacific Rim 2, but that film was just boring and flat. Aquaman is just a mess, a huge stinking mess. I don’t know when DC will get it. It is so sad. Because I am huge fan of DC’s comics. They have so much content, flavor, and character when compared to Marvel’s comic books in my opinion. Their world has so much potential. Not only that, I actually like Aquaman’s comics. I know he has become somewhat of a meme over the past few years. But I thoroughly enjoy his comics. It doesn’t stop there, Black Manta is one of my favorite villains in comic books ever. The way they portrayed him in this film was such a shame. It makes me so sad. I think the only solution for DC is to stick with independent films that don’t all tie into one “universe” like the MCU. Which is why I am hopeful for the new Joker film. They need to scrap everything, and just get experimental. Do something different. For example, Man of Steel, although it has many flaws, it was still trying to do something different. Now they are just trying to follow the same formula that Marvel is doing. And its all just so sad. Anyway, let’s get into this stinker.
I know that this film has been getting fairly positive reviews. Positive for DC that is. But nevertheless, people have been enjoying how over the top and ridiculous this film is. Well not me. This film is such a huge mess of tones and plot lines. Nothing fit, nothing made sense. It’s just lazy film making, and that’s what I hate the most. Because it is so clear that the decisions made for this film were based on money, and not out of passion. They just put in everything they could to appeal to a mass audience. I can’t blame them because that’s the point of blockbusters. But I will still blame them, because unfortunately for them, one of the best superhero films came out that managed to have comedy, romance, a serious tone, and many more. So yes I will be critical. Because I am sick and tired of watching this generic crap over and over again.
Let’s start with the story. The plot is so convoluted. Things just pop up out of nowhere like we are supposed to be like “oh riiiiiight, obviously the great sea monster the one of myths was the one that is guarding the trident”, or “ofcourse we have to go to the sahara desert just to use this ancient technology and then we need to suddenly go to italy and put a bottle on a statue that is obviously the only one that is conveniently placed looking and pointing at the sea”. It just brings up aspects that are just there to further the “adventure” but add nothing to the table. I wish it was a way to have some character development or something between Arthur and Mira, but no, they just walk around and fight whenever some random Atlantians come at them. On the topic of Arthur and Mira, didn’t they know each other when they were in the Justice League, which by my understanding happened before the events of this film? Why is it suddenly Arthur acts like he doesn’t know her that well. And another thing, the whole film never hints at any romantic development between the two. Suddenly they kiss and they are in love. You can’t just shove that in our faces. It needs to grow through development. You can tell how angry I am because none of these thoughts have any cohesion, but that mirrors what the film did, so I will continue. AND ANOTHER THING! What was that with Black Manta. I was so freaking disappointed. He is genuinely one of my favorite comic book villains, and they just made him out to be a joke. I do not understand why he was in the film if he wasn’t getting most of the attention. He just felt like “oh here comes the guy who wants revenge”. He also dies in the most pathetic way. Just a waste of such a good character that could have created a great independent Aquaman story. Instead, they had to shove him in there for no purpose. What else. Oh yes, the tones. This film fails so hard in its tone. It is trying to be everything at once, and it just killed my immersion. I was so detached with the film. One minute we see a scene of Orm killing one of the 7 leaders, and being all serious about his impending plan. The next we see Mira and Arthur joking around in the Sahara desert with what I can only describe as Disney Channel music in the background. I felt insulted from the music choice when they were trying to make a comedic transition. It literally felt like something out of a low budget kids show. It was so awful. Not only that, the jokes were such stinkers. Barely anyone laughed in the theater. There was a joke that went like “I wont get into that thing, its covered in chum juice, ill smell like swamp butt”. Holy crap was that awful. It is so apparent that the “jokes” were added in later, because they just made no sense contextually. I don’t know what I am even saying. Nothing about this film was satisfying. The whole film is just this bright distracting CGI filled, cheesy looking carnival that is devoid of any fun. The look makes you want a film like Thor Ragnarok, but it tries to be Man of Steel while mixing in some jokes from Barney. It all clashes. Nothing works. I will stop this review before I get a headache again. That will be the second time this film would have given me a headache.
